Oh, Hello! Deadpool here. Two years can make such a difference. Timberlake went from bringing Sexy Back to being a sexless dad. Bill Cosby went from beloved television dad to Uhh? Yes, I’m not even touching that with a 39.5′ pole.
On a brighter note, I’m still banging Brody’s estranged wife and loving all forty-three seconds of it each time. She’s the one thing that keeps me going strong. It tops blood lust, gun play, Pokemon Go, skee ball, pegging, musicals and matching sweaters. No, Vanessa is really the best thing that’s every happened to me. Well, there’s her, Bernadette Peters and Yentl? Oy, Vey! Someone must be putting estrogen in those Jack and Cokes again. Son of a Bitch!
Wait, Who’s that guy with a glowing eye and metal arm? No, it’s not Stefon at a Robocop/Terminator gang bang again. He’s Cable. Boy, Directv must’ve really fucked him over. Wait, what did that Fireball kid do? He’s not the one who invented that cinnamon liquor. Oh, I forgot that used to be Blind Al’s stripper/escort name back in the early 20th Century.
Would I cut Cable? What’s Vanessa really want? Will Blind Al every see or just smell my farts instead? Is this kid an adolescent berserker or just in need of a hug and Slim Jims?
Deadpool 2 continued the atypical story of Marvel’s least favorite X-Man. Yes, it’s very degrading and sexist but that’s enough about Harvey Weinstein. We came (well, not in this theater) to see Ryan Reynolds return as Deadpool. He produced and co-wrote the second installment as well. Josh Brolin took a break from collecting stones and provided a straight-edged comic alternative to Reynolds. He laughed at himself and his stepmom throughout the film.
The soundtrack must have been from Mike Pence’s redacted Apple/Spotify playlist. It included such artists as Dolly Parton, Barbra Streisand, A-Ha and Celine Dion. Viewers might be seeing this as some strange drag show for years to come. Well, Elton should’ve been included but they were “All Out Of Love” and wanting to “Turn Back Time”.
The film provided some of the bawdiest, bluest humor and blood splatter in many years. It had some of the best twists, surprise cameos and WTF moments of 2018. This is One of 2018’s Best Comedies and Best Films. Don’t be shocked, the breathes will return from gasping with laughter and other second guessing about bathroom sushi. Yikes, Wade’s still writing this apparently.
Thud! Thanks, Colossus. Well, I’ve got to feed Second Place Oscar here. Grab your X-Force and fly that Blackbird to a theater nearby for this one.
hausdex 